Yesterday, the little guy and I spent the morning with my mother. She had the day off because she will be working on Thanksgiving day. We went shopping looking for some last minute Chanukah gifts before retail craziness really begins. While at one of our stops, I bumped into a former colleague of mine. I had not seen her since she retired and asked her how she was enjoying her new retired life.
On that flip side, I was asked how I liked being at home with the boys. I told her that most days I absolutely love it, but we have our moments. Let’s be honest here, I think we could all say that about any day, whether at work outside of the home or with our children. I told my friend that I loved being able to be at events for my older son, now a first grader. I did not have to worry about asking for the day off, leaving substitute plans or any of that. In addition to that, I was watching the boys grow in front of my eyes. She told me that she never once regretted staying home when her children were little. My mother has always told me the same thing and I truly do feel blessed that TechyDad and I are able to make it work for our family.
Today was a perfect example of how it is the little things in life that I love as a stay at home mom. The little guy and I got ready to head to the library. It was story hour and I thought it would be good for him to get back into the swing of things. Today, there were at least 20 children there along with parents, grandparents and other adults in their lives. It was slightly overwhelming for my shy 2 1/2 year old. JSL eventually warmed up and started to participate in the songs and dances.
During that time, I felt a twinge in my heart. This was something that I never did with NHL. He was in daycare from the time he was one until he started PreK. I missed those moments of him singing and dancing, listening to stories and interacting with his peers. So when JSL asked to jump into my lap, I hugged him just a little tighter trying to cherish these moments a bit more.
After the stories were finished, there was a craft today. The kids were all able to make little turkey puppets. This was JSL’s first real craft time. When given the glue stick to use for the items, he was clueless. He quickly learned how to dab on some glue and toss a feather onto his turkey.
Once again, my mind was racing. I never saw NHL’s first time using a glue stick or other little milestones. So many things I missed with my first born baby. I know I can not dwell on them too much, but I do feel bad. Of course, on the flip side if I go back to teaching once JSL is in school full time I will not be able to do the things that I have done for NHL. I have been a room parent for two years now. I have gone into his classroom to help teach the kids about Chanukah, read stories, and participate in parties.
In the end, I hope that both boys will know that I love each of them with all of my heart. I will always do and be there for them as much as possible. On that note, it is time to wipe my eyes. *sniffle* *sniffle*
thanks for making me cry @ work. damn it
I can see why you would be teary. Every mom wants to give eacIh child her best and cherish each milestone. I think that can be hard, though because each child is born at a different stage in a mother and father’s life. Bless you.
.-= Holly at Tropic of Mom´s last blog .. =-.
You know what I’m going through right now with leaving Maggie, so this post really hit me hard! I’ll miss so much, so many milestones, so many moments. Sigh.
Erica – I was right there with you, although TechyDad was actually the one that dropped off at daycare each day. I worked and came home with planning and correcting for so many years of NHL’s life. So many things missed because I was so wrapped up with everything work related even when I was at home with him. Those are some of the things I never mentioned in my post. Even when I was home, I was distracted and now I can’t get that time back.
Holly – I think the other thing that I kick myself for is not paying more attention to the little things when I was home with NHL. I was so wrapped up with life at work and making things best for my students, I often feel that I put my son on the back burner of sorts.
Shawna – I am sitting here in tears again. Hugs coming your way. I can not imagine the strength you have taking your precious baby Maggie each day. I was lucky with NHL that I stayed home with him for his first year (no teaching jobs). The truth is that each time you see your child do something for the first time is the milestone marker. Kids do things for us because they must just know how special it means to us, even as infants. Do something that I never was able to do, leave work at work and cherish the time at home with Maggie and Mike. I never did this and will never get those 3 years of NHL’s life back.
I think it’s most important that you *care* whether or not you were there, rather that the fact of whether you actually are. Circumstances drive us somewhat, and we’ve just got to make the best of it. This post reminds me that it’s worth all the struggles of trying to make a living online when I can stay home with my daughter and make sure I’m the one that gets to raise her.
I have one daughter in law who is a stay at home mom and one who is, by choice, a working mom. Each has 4 kids and each is doing a great job (along with my sons) in raising them. A happy mother is a good mother!