Please read about what happened yesterday afternoon at NHL’s school and tell me what you think I should have done – and should do now. Thanks in advance since this is a little long to give the background on it.
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Yesterday at 11:30 I took my grandmother and JSL to the Purim parade at NHL’s nursery school. The kids were too cute as they marched around and later had a show on stage where they performed some songs for the holiday. NHL looked so comfortable up there. At the end of each song, we noticed that he would take a bow. We did not notice any of the other children doing this, so not sure where it came from. Photos of this will come later.
Flash forward to Mommy, Mimi, and JSL going back to head out. We were going to leave NHL for the rest of the time to eat and play. There was about an hour left in the day. As we went by Mimi looked into the room and noticed NHL was in his underwear. Not just that, he was the ONLY child in the room only in his underwear. To say that I was alarmed would be an understatement. I immediately told Mimi that I was going into the room to see what was going on.
I went in and asked his teachers why he was like that. They explained that since his monkey costume was so warm (it is polar fleece from Old Navy) they thought he would be too warm in it. Not too thrilled with this, but fine it made sense at least. NHL was starting to get upset that he did not know where his clothing was. I asked his one teacher, she was not the one that helped him to put them away. She asked the other teacher. No clue. Next teacher said they were over by his backpack. I went over there with NHL in his underwear following me.
You guess it – NADA!
At this point I think steam was starting to come out of my ears. The worst was going through my head and I was trying to keep my 4 year old calm about no clothing. Meanwhile I notice that the teachers have STOPPED looking to pose for a photo (yes – four of the five teachers in the room) with one child who is laughing away.
I stuck my head out to tell Mimi what was going on and then went back in. At this point they were all following the laughing child to the back of the room. I was floored with what happened from this point on. My thought was right – the child that we have had numerous problems with in the last few weeks (no less since the start of this school) took NHL’s clothing. Not only did he take them, but he brought them to the opposite side and corner of the classroom. There he then managed to dig a spot and put them under things to hide them.
I quickly said rather loudly: "You have to be kidding me? HE took them and hid them? "
I just stood and watched as his mother, grandmother and the teachers said and did NOTHING!
My child stood for over 15 minutes in nothing but his underwear for everyone that passed by to see and they said NOTHING!
I tried to remain calm. I repeated what I said and added to the teacher: "I am done. This is the last straw. I am calling ______ (the assistant director) something needs to be done."
Again, the mother said NOTHING to me, NOTHING to her child and the teachers hardly said squat to the kid either. After quite a while he was told to say he was sorry to NHL. I actually had to wait to leave until the mother and grandmother left with the child so I did not say more to her face. After all this is the child that has not only done things to my child before, has taught my child inappropriate things, but has also done things to be outside of school while at a party.
I was ticked off! NHL decided he wanted to leave with me and not stay for the last hour. As we left the mother of the child went back in. I think she may have gone back to talk to the teachers since she heard me say something about calling the director.
After a few very quick errands I made my way home. I talked with my mother and she told me that I best call the director since this really was above and beyond in the way it happened and my child was embarrassed. So I left her a message at 1:00. Here is is Saturday morning and no return call from her. I told her on the machine the following:
"Hi _____, this is _______. I really need you to call me back. I need to discuss something that happened today at school. My child was embarrassed by another child and the teachers were put into an awkward position by another parent that they should not have been in. This is not the first incident with this child, but in my mind is the last straw and the reason I am calling. Something has to be done to stop things from continuing."
I was calm and nice – which was hard to accomplish. Perhaps she did not call me back because she had to get information from the teachers. They should not be surprised that I called since I said I was going to. Heck last time I told them I wanted to, but I left it to classroom management. This time it went above and beyond and I think they need back up to have someone else talk to this parent about the child that is WAY out of control.
Background on previous incident from exactly two weeks ago:
NHL was sitting in the classroom waiting for me to come in to get him. He had on a pair of sunglasses that he had received as a prize for being good and filling his chart at school. He stood up and started to walk to me. As I was standing right there the child in question stood up from a chair where he was sitting waiting to go to swim lessons. He grabbed NHL, pulled him around (nearly knocking him off balance)and grabbed the sunglasses off his face. He continues to take them and break them in half – right in front of me. Thank goodness I responded quickly and grabbed NHL who was close to decking the kid (who could blame the kid). I took the sunglasses from the kid, looked around and saw NO teacher watching (the head teacher of NHL’s program was home sick that day – yet 3 other teachers were still in the room and one down the hall). NHL was screaming at this point for a teacher – NADA. He was starting to cry about his prize being broken. As the steam started to come out my ears I told him to come with me and I would take care of the glasses and making sure a teacher knew what happened. I told two of the other teachers what happened and mentioned that this had to stop. This other child was out of control and needed consequences. One of the teachers told me that I was not the only parent that had made a complaint. In the past my mother and I had seen this child hit a child with blocks in the classroom and get a back rub to calm him down rather than more. WHAT?!?! This was teaching my child that doing something wrong would be rewarded with hugs and things. I went in after the weekend and talked to the head teacher who said she was going to talk to the assistant director about my concerns. My bet – she was probably never told about anything.
So, if you made it all the way to this point thanks for reading. What do you think about this? There are still three more months of school left and simply letting it go is not an option (that has not worked to this point). Something needs to be done so my child and others in the room do not learn the inappropriate actions – no less someone gets hurt physically not just emotionally.
B … in my experience with administrators you CANNOT get results by being nice and polite. You need to be angry. You have every right to be angry. Send the boys off with your mom or JL and call that director again. If you’re calm then you will get pushed to the back burner. It sucks but it’s politics. The b*tchiest mom always moves to the front of the line.
Wow B, you just can’t catch a break with the poor guy at school! I know that NHL would be sad, but is there any way to switch him to another class? It seems like the school is not going to do anything. I agree with CityStreams, if you act a little more angry you may get results. The squeaky wheel gets the grease! Hope it all works out.
Oh man! I agree you should not be polite about this. The only problem is that if the kid’s mom was present, I wonder if the teachers were waiting for his mom to reprimand him? Not that they shouldn’t have jumped in when mom said nothing……yikes. what a little terror that kid is!
Citystreams: I have not talked with the administrator about anything before this. Prior to this last straw it was mainly classroom management issues. Now there are just WAY too many things going on to bother me. Oh and I know being nice does not work. I am definitely going to let her know that I am PISSED. I will let her know that IF this is not taken care of I will contact someone above her along with the school district that is paying for this program for NHL. I am not going to need to be the witchy mom that I always hated as a teacher. *sigh*
Punkypwr: Aside from a few little issues at school (no place is ever perfect – I know that), things have been really great since we switched to this program. I certainly know people to call if I do not get answers and intend on being the squeaky wheel. As it is I have several items to bring up about not only this other child, but if need be another item or two. One other thing, no there is no other classroom that NHL can go to there. He is in a classroom that has an extended part of the day where they pay special attention to his OT and PT needs. This is a program that he was accepted to (free of charge) thanks to the problems that we had with the Montessori school in September.
Melanie: I will be polite, but forceful. I know that when a parents was nasty to me, I tuned them out. I need to make my list of items tonight to discuss with her and stick to it and make her know that I am not going to sit back and be quiet until something is done. Oh and I know the teachers were likely waiting for the mother or grandmother to say something, but when they did jump in it was pathetic to say the least.
I would be exactly where you are at this point. I would beside myself. yes I understood why the costume came off but why did they not helo get him dressed. I would have been fuming at this point as well.
As far as this kid. I would demand a meeting with the teachers and the parents of this other child. They can not refuse you that.
I had to do that when Stephanie was being bullied at school. THe parents were not aware of waht was going on.
I am assuming that this parent DOES know what is going on and still doing nothing about it.
I would be on the phone At 9:00 am this am to speak to the director. GL
I am having issues this year as well. Keifer somehow flipped off a swing and bruised his back and noone noticed. Even though K said he cried a really lot cause his back hurts.
Anyway I would raise h*ll and not think twice about it. Steff
B, you have amazing restraint. ;-) I probably would’ve grabbed the kid by the arm, myself. Grrrr. And said something to the mother. Not mean, you understand, unless she turned out to be one of those, “Oh, my kid can do no wrong! I must not spank him and injure his individuality!” kind of people. Then it would be, “Okay, I’LL whale the tar out of him next time!” LOL The older I get, the bitchier I get. I think NHL should knock the kid on his arse for his trouble. But that’s just me. My best friend’s grandfather gave her some great advice when we were in high school and both of us were being bullied. He said, “Some people just need a beatin’.” And isn’t that the truth! :-D
Good luck, sweetheart. Like I said, I’d have probably had the stinkin’ kid in a full nelson by now.
The more I think about this, the angrier I’m getting. When this child hid my kid’s clothes and then laughed at him, he was BULLYING my child, plain and simple. Same for the sunglasses incident.
I was bullied relentlessly from elementary school all the way through High School. It was torture and I’m not going to let my son go through the same thing I went through.
JL I was also bullied in school. It is really sad that a child is starting this behavior so young.
B I understand that you can’t move his class. I hope that you are able to resolve this situation soon.