Have you ever had a time where you swear you are living in slow motion and yet it still seems like a blur to you? This is my reality right now. So much on my mind, work to get done, and the feeling of stress building up. Then, add fighting off some sort of virus that is causing an autoimmune response that is extremely painful. I know to help that, stressors need to go. Of course, let’s be real if it was that easy nobody would ever be stressed. And being a parent often means that we put our needs at the end of the line.
The boys are really into Star Wars right now, so Darth got me thinking. Basically life right now is me trying to use all of The Force that I can find to escape from the trenches of stress (or The Dark Side). Some days it seems like Storm Troopers are just going to burst through the door and carry me off. Other days I feel like Yoda is whispering in my ear and giving me Yoda-isms that will keep me going.
I know things will get better and these stresses will eventually make me laugh, but that is hard to see in the here and now. The reality is my youngest, JSL, needs triple surgery and we are still waiting to hear back to schedule that. I know it will help him in the end, but general anesthesia and my first child to have surgery is hard to handle. We haven’t told the boys yet, so if you know them, please do not say anything to them. I know this is something that will help JSL and we have tried everything over the last two years to avoid it. The sleepless nights recently are a quick way for me to recall why this has to be taken care of soon.
Then, I have to worry about the big kiddo’s response. NHL is so afraid of surgery, blood, and all things medical. I don’t want him to panic and ruin the successes we have made in school right now because he is so concerned about his little brother. As an Aspie he will worry about JSL and I never know how it will show up. He would internalize it with concerns about his life at the same time, panic, or shut everything out of his mind.
Speaking of school, my mind is constantly on hyper speed with worries and concerns about middle school for NHL. Middle school is rough no matter what state you live in, district your child is in, or any other factors. It is a rough age group and kids are cruel. NHL has no idea what going to middle school means and I worry how this drastic change could shut him down. While Common Core has really put a dent in his love of learning, this massive life change could be the final nail in the coffin.
So if things are a bit scarce around here, I apologize. While I love blogging and it is therapeutic, sometimes you have to push it to the side to take care of those around you, including yourself. That last part is the one that I am having the hardest time with and I bet many others do as well.