Tonight I am counting my blessing that both of my boys are tucked into their room sleeping soundly. Both are now on antibiotics, and one is just back from from a four day stay in the hospital.

A week ago now I was just coming back home. I went out to meet Laura to get some fabric for flannel blankets and pillow cases. I was gone for an hour and a half in a night that never wanted to end. When I arrived home both of the boys were in bed. I was getting ready to sit down to knit when I heard the little guy fussing.

JL went in to try to get him to settle with his pacifier. It worked for a little while. At about 9:30 I heard some strange coughing coming from the baby monitor and went in. I scooped JSL out of his crib and noticed he was VERY hot and having a hard time breathing. We took his temperature and it was 102.8. I quickly got the motrin and bulb syringe to clean out his nose. Ugh, what a mess.

Minutes later JSL was really laboring to breathe. His temperature was soaring and causing his heart to beat wildly. A quick call was made to my parents. I asked them to please come over quick. I just had a feeling (if you ask my friend earlier in the week I made a horrifyingly accurate prediction that this was not going to go well and we would end up in the ER – Mother’s intuition perhaps?). I called our doctor’s emergency number and when he called back asked what to do. He was very alarmed with JSL’s breathing and told us to stabilize JSL’s temperature and then take him to the ER for hydration.

My parents arrived and we put JSL into the tub. He played happily and then WHAM – the nightmare that I never hope to repeat began. Please see previous posts about this here and here.

Now I sit here crying. I am afraid to go to sleep tonight on this week after. I know I will relive those shades of gray flashbacks that a parent should never see on their child. I keep wondering about items and going through what if’s.

• What if this had happened when I was out?
• What if my mother was not there to administer rescue breaths to my baby to make him breathe again?
• What IF?  I can not even fully type this one out . . . you all will know what I mean.

There are other thoughts on my mind too, but I just can not get typed out. Just having them on my mind is painful enough, reading them back would be too much.

I am so thankful that my baby is slowly getting back to himself. JSL is gaining his strength day by day and at the same time learning new tricks to show us. I am also so thankful that my mother was there that horrible day. How painful it must be for her to relive what she did. Still I cherish how my baby kissed her over and over the next day. I think somehow he knew that Nana had saved his precious life.

We also need to thank my father for staying here to man the fort while NHL slept. Big brother still does not know the horrid details of what happened while he was sleeping in his room. I knew that had he gotten up and seen Papa there he would have been comforted. Papa also stayed with NHL most of Sunday and Monday night so JL could be at the hospital with me.

My Aunt S and Mimi also helped us so much. The two of them were able to watch NHL so JL and I did not have to worry about him when everyone else went back to work. NHL had two fun days with Aunt S and her girls (cats). Then the day after JSL came home Mimi had NHL spend the day with her. He loved every minute of it. We truly are so lucky to have family here that our kids are so close to.

I would also like to thank my friends:

• Laura – thank you for chatting with me into the night while I could not sleep at the hospital. We also love the amazing flannel blankets and pillow cases that were all ready for us when we got home from the hospital.
• H & J – thank you both for coming to the hospital. JSL loved his puppy puppet and seeing familiar faces. You were able to make us all laugh when we needed it. I will forever remember JL and J putting together my pathetic hospital breast pump and the thunderous laughter that followed. That one nurse never looked at us the same again! H – thank you for taking me home Sunday to shower and get things to stay overnight. I never would have been able to drive myself and while I cleaned myself up, you cleaned up our clutter.
• Sandy – thank you for your beautiful notes. I will definitely be talking to you soon about things. Sorry that I scared you with that text message, but it was the only way I could let you know.
• To all of my internet friends – thank you for all of the comments of prayer and speedy recovery for my little guy. I am still catching up getting back to people, so please understand how much I did appreciate it.

Here are some more photos of JSL in the hospital, just back home, and today. Be sure to hover over the photos for the captions. 

Now I am off. JSL is fussing and I will likely watch him sleep most of the night. I need to see his snuggly little body sleep peacefully. I have to make sure his chest goes up and down . . . I need to hear his soft breathing noises.