Category Archives parenting

Planning a Bar Mitzvah

From the moment my oldest son was born, there were milestones that we had to think about. First was his bris when he was ten days old. Since we knew we were having a boy, we were able to plan a bit ahead of time for that.

Next up, was getting NHL ready for school. PreK and kindergarten came quickly and required school adjustments along the way. Of course, he also started going to Hebrew School.

Then, as we eased into elementary school the focus shifted toward getting ready for middle school. While that was a major priority in my mind, there was always something else making my thoughts race at times.

Bar Mitzvah Time Traditions

Middle school means getting close to the teen years. This is a huge milestone in the Jewish religion. Boys start to focus on their Bar Mitzvah preparations at about the same time. Hebrew school is not enough and shortly individual lessons with members of the clergy will begin.

As NHL turned eleven this summer, I knew the two year count down was on. Of course, with my internal count down and major denial shaking it off, I had to embrace the reality check. His birthday seemed to signal questions from some family and friends. They wanted to know if we had a date, time, location, and other details to share.

No, we were hyper focused on getting the kiddo adjusted to middle school. The here and now trumped something two years in the future. In passing, I spoke with the rabbi about it and he told me to get in touch after the high holidays.

Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and the rest of the autumn holidays came and went. Denial was strong.

We have talked to NHL about his Bar Mitzvah. He has preferences and has made it clear that he does not want certain things to happen. He has also made a specific request.

A reality check happened shortly before Thanksgiving.

I saw the phone number of our synagogue pop up on my phone. What I was not expecting was our cantor to be on the line. *GULP* It was time to talk about his Hebrew Birthday. That is the magical date that is the first day we could even consider having his Bar Mitzvah.

My brain was racing and TechyDad was still at work. I was not expecting the call, so it caught me off guard a bit. In the end, we found out the first day in 2016 that is acceptable for us to consider. We also know a day that someone else has selected that is out. What I never thought about was the likelihood of needing this big day to be right at the start of the school year. It now appears that we will have to think about juggling a Bar Mitzvah with the start of 8th grade.

While I am sure NHL will be ready for this big day (whenever it is), I am not sure that I am ready for the planning, saving, and chaos that go together.

If you have planned a big event for your child, like a Bar Mitzvah, how did you tackle it? One thing we have decided is to keep a lot of details quiet for as long as possible. We do not want disagreements to pop up like they did with our wedding

It's Me

FYI, if you were curious about the picture above, that’s a photo of my father when he had his Bar Mitzvah.

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Braces Be Gone

Just over fifteen months have passed since the world of braces became a reality for our family. NHL has had wires on his top teeth since the end of June 2013.

Braces Be Gone

While NHL has had some discomfort from time to time, we only had a few issues that were caused by pesky baby teeth trying to vacate his mouth. Over the months, we had to make two extra visits, and one emergency night trek to the orthodontists office. My kiddo was a trouper with what they did in his mouth and rarely complained. When he did in recent weeks, we knew something was up. A spring had sprung and was digging into his cheek. That resulted in his two front teeth shifting forward. For a few weeks, we were not sure if the braces would still come off as predicted.

The weekend before a scheduled recheck NHL had his first wire pop. Of course, it was after 8:00 on a Friday evening. We called the orthodontist and he tried to explain how to shift it back into place to try to wait until Saturday afternoon. When we tried to do this, the wire popped out even more and NHL could barely close his mouth. So we met the orthodontist at 9:30 that evening. Even at that hour, he was amazing. We were given good news that NHL’s teeth had gotten back into the right position and the braces would still come off on October 6 (TODAY). A stronger wire was put on and we were told that it could not and would not pop.

Care to guess what happened next?

Yes, Saturday morning NHL came running into our room. As he was trying to wiggle a loose tooth, the giant wire came out from the bracket. The message for the orthodontist was pretty classic and one he will likely remember for a while. Wire cutters were bought and never used from Home Depot. Then, after a few hours, NHL figure out how to prop the wire up where it would stay and did not hurt him. Score! We were able to wait until our regular appointment two days later.

Once again everyone in the office was amazing. The interesting part, nobody has a clue how the wire came out of place and did not break the bracket. Go figure!

Now we have made it the last two weeks without another incident and NHL is already planning what he is going to eat once the braces are removed. He has been amazing with following the instructions/rules set. We managed to avoid other more invasive techniques to expand NHL’s palette, fix cross bite issues, and work on the tooth crowding. Thank goodness the braces did their magic with the amazing work of our orthodontist. Now, NHL will be wearing a retainer until it is outgrown and then we will see if a Phase 2 of braces will be needed. A lot will depend on how some of the last teeth fall into place.

So I would love some advice from those who have had a retainer or had a child with one. What tips and tricks do you have to make sure they are taken care of properly at school, worn, and all that other fun and important stuff that I am unsure of?

It's Me

P.S. If you are looking for a fantastic orthodontist in the Capital Region, just let me know. The office that we go to is amazing to work with and everyone is so understanding with children that have special needs.

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The Middle School Phone Debate

#VZWBuzz Disclosure

Ready or not, middle school time is finally here! It really does seem like yesterday when I took my oldest son to kindergarten. Now, NHL is about a week away from the start of middle school.

*GULP*

While I am nervous, NHL is extremely excited about this fresh start. New school, new teachers, new classes, and hopefully new friends. Then, the other day, I stopped as I opened a new VZWBuzz device to check out. It reminded me that TechyDad and I had never finalized what we were going to do about one last big decision. Would we be sending NHL to sixth grade with a phone?

This decision may seem like a no brainer for many parents, but it is not that simple for us. I know that a lot of families give their children a phone long before sixth grade because of where they live and how their children get to and from school. I get that, but our situation is very different. TechyDad and I take both of the boys to and from school. So while debating this for our family, I came up with some key items that you need to think about before handing over a phone to your child.

Five items to think about if/when you are going through the great phone debate.

The Middle School Phone Debate

1. Rules of the School – Each school has different rules about cell phones coming to school with students. Some school require phones to be turned off and kept in lockers all day. Other schools allow phones to be muted and kept in pockets with the understanding that if they are seen they will be taken. I know that most schools that I have been to do not allow use during classes and if they are found they will be confiscated. My son’s new school requires parents to go to the principal to retrieve phones that are taken away from children. As you can imagine, having an adult leave work to come and get the phone will escalate the infraction to a new level. Kids are certainly less likely to do it again if they are not simply given back at the end of the day.

2. Reasons For and Against – Make a list of reasons why your child should have a cell phone, as well as reasons against it. Many families want kids to be able to get in touch with them quickly and easily when they stay after school for sports and other extracurricular activities. If they are taking a bus or walking home, safety may be a reason for making the purchase. On the flip side, having a phone is a large responsibility for an eleven year old child just starting junior high. Are they ready for this responsibility and all it entails? (More on this later.)

3. Smartphone or Not – Saying that you will buy your child a cell phone is just the beginning. You have to figure out if it will be a regular one or smartphone. Basically you need to determine if you want your son or daughter to be able to simply use the phone to call and text, or also have apps and ability to obtain data. Another concern of mine was the camera feature. Let’s be honest, you do not want kids to be able to take photos of anything and everything. This opens up more conversations about proper use, not sexting, and more. At orientation, we were talking with someone and mentioned our dilemma. At that moment, it dawned on us that it could be worse sending a child to school with a non-smartphone over skipping it completely. Kids can be cruel and something like that could be another item that is used against a child for bullying.

4. Which Plan is Right? – Another decision that parents have to figure out is whether or not to put their child onto their current plan. I know that TechyDad and I were unsure about this. We actually went into a Verizon Wireless store to see what we could do. We could easily add another phone line (regular or smartphone), but would likely need to commit to a two year contract. There were also prepaid options that we could activate a device that we already had and there would be no strings attached if something did not work out well. My best advice for you is to take time to call or stop by a store and go over different plans and see what makes the most sense financially for your needs.

5. Learning  about Responsibility – If you opt to get your child their own phone they will quickly need to add to their responsibility. Suddenly, they will have a device that they must take care of. This means keeping it safe, knowing where it is, using it only when allowed, not letting others use it inappropriate ways, and more. For some children, this may be too much with all of the other changes taking place when starting middle school. If your son or daughter is ready, have additional chats about rules of use. Set clear consequences set for misuse of the phone and what happens if it is lost, stolen, or broken. Go over what your cell phone plan allows. If it is not unlimited texting, be clear that they will be responsible for overage and could have the phone taken away. Smartphone use and understanding how much date has been used is also a lesson that must happen. Set up phones with widgets so they can check and avoid going over set amounts.

So what was our decision? At this moment in time, we are not going to send a phone or smartphone off to sixth grade with NHL. We feel that with all of the changes that added responsibility may be too much for him. We want to focus on NHL getting used to middle school, lockers, changing classes, and everything else that happens in this new academic journey. In addition to this, TechyDad and I feel that IF he needs to get to us he has plenty of ways thanks to his specific circumstances. So, for now, rather than worry about what phone, which plan, and how to protect it – we will focus on middle school. The good news is that if and when we change our mind, we know all of the options that Verizon Wireless has for us to give NHL his first cell phone. Oh and of course we also know about the added security via Verizon Family Base.

Does your child have a phone for school? I would love to know what grade they were in, what type of phone you gave them, and how it went.

It's Me

Disclosure: As a member of the Verizon Lifestyle Bloggers, I receive devices like the HTC One Remix to test out and share ways that I use it in my life. I am a long time Verizon customer, and all opinions are my own.

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Eleven Years

Dear NHL,

Eleven years ago today, you decided that you wanted to surprise us by arriving a few weeks early. That moment you showed how you were going to lead us into a new and exciting world. Being your mother has been an amazing and loving journey. Of course, I have to admit that it has also been an adventure like no other. For some reason, nobody ever tells you that parenting comes with no instructions and you kind of make it up as you go along. I am blowing my cover now, but at eleven years old I need to confess. Here we go, I admit that being a perfect parent is impossible and I know I will no doubt mess up as we continue along.

First time mother

NHL, you are an amazing young boy. You constantly amaze me with how smart and in tune you are with parts of the world around you. Not only are you a math whiz, but you get principles of science, love learning about people, places, and things from history and crave academic knowledge to share with everyone. Even when things were tough this year with so many changes in the educational world, you did your best to work through it. You finished elementary school and are waiting to begin your middle school years. Please know that while it may be a big transition this year, it is one that everyone goes through and it will make you stronger. Each and every bump along this road will help you to become a better person, please remember that.

 11th Birthday Wishes

Always know that you can come to me and tell me anything and everything so I can help you. This year you did that after something big had happened and I listened. It took us a while to fix the problem, but we did it together thanks to you opening up to me and standing up for yourself. It was a proud moment and together we can make a difference by being advocates together.

While I could go on and on about items that you did over the last year, like I have done for the last eight years, I know you are more private now. I am giving you space to help me to figure out what to share in my blog. I respect that because it is not always mine to write about. Perhaps you would like to help and write your views one day instead.

On that note, I wish you only the best now and forever. You will always be my baby and I will be standing by your side cheering you on as you show everyone around you how you will spread your wings and fly high. Nothing can stop you if you stay focused, do your best, and believe in yourself.

Love,

Mom

Past B-day posts to NHL:

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Saying Goodbye to Elementary School

First Days of Elemtary School

Watching your child grow up often comes with mixed emotions. This week has given me so many of those moments all at once. Monday morning, I cried driving the boys to school.

Why?

It hit me on the ride over that it would be the last Monday I would ever be taking both boys to the same school. NHL and JSL will never be in the same school again. This was the last year. The kids saw that I had tears in my eyes and asked why. I was honest and told them. They were so sweet and held my hands on the way into school. Clearly, they knew that Mom needed a little TLC.

Of course, more emotions were there on the last full day that both boys would be in the same school. Over the last month or so, I have watched each afternoon as NHL and JSL would grab each others hands and walk to my car. They would go ahead of me and talk about gym, lunch, class time, and homework. There was something special about this time and I will miss witnessing it.

Brothers Holding Hands after School

Now, the school year is basically complete. I wanted to cherish all of this more, but living in the moment you often forget to do this. What hurts most is knowing there were days that I wanted this school year to be over, but in reality I never did. I liked knowing that the boys had each other in the same building if there was ever an emergency. I loved being able to see both of their smiling faces if I happened to stop by to help in one classroom or the other.

In September, things will be different. NHL will be off to a new adventure in middle school and JSL will continue along for the next four years in elementary school. As summer break is about to begin, my goal is to relax and enjoy the time with the boys. I want to have fun, explore, and help them to make special memories. We will try not to worry about the unknown that lies ahead of us with middle school and keep focused on summer and the next two months we have together.

It's Me

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